You Can’t Scare Me, by Dave Smith

 

You Can’t Scare Me

by Dave Smith

My most memorable childhood epiphany was this: a good number of kids’ songs, nursery rhymes and the like were designed to scare the bejesus out of five-year-olds. That’s right, they’re not bedtime stories, they’re scary movies.

Don’t believe it? Then sing along with me: “Don’t go down in the woods today; if you do don’t go alone … ” yeah, see what I mean? Teddy bears picnic my ass. That ditty’s purpose is to make little boys paranoid about the forest so they won’t wander into it.

How about Jack and Jill? Don’t climb up there; you’ll hurt yourself.

Miss Muffet? Spider anyone?

Recently I ascertained another undeniable truth: Famous authors use their notoriety to offer mortifying advice to novices (like me), which is fabricated to discourage neophytes (like me) from writing. Why? Basic economics—it eliminates the competition. And just like the sneaks who prey on kiddies’ fears, they make it sound wholesome.

Not convinced? Let me provide some examples.

“Should take no more than three months.” Stephen King on how long it takes to write a book. Way to crush my resolve, Steve. That’s like running a race against a cheetah. In the desert. Over rocks. Barefoot.

“The first draft of anything is shit.” Why don’t you give me some of your shit, Ernie, so I can revise it and sell it. E. Hemingway with D. Smith—hmmm, nice ring, but sounds fishy. He just didn’t want anyone to write anything.

“I leave out the parts that people skip.” I do that too, Elmore. So far I have 27 words down which I’m pretty sure someone will read and not skip. In King time, I should have four, maybe five, paragraphs completed in the allotted three months.

“Murder your darlings.” That advice was actually meant for a friend who was writing a murder mystery. Over the years it has morphed into boogeyman talk to gin up paranoia, and to get the competition to leave out good parts so their stories will suck.

“Write something every day.”  And if I don’t? Wait, don’t tell me … I’ll never be a success at anything. And because I know there’ll come a day—maybe tomorrow—when I’ll break some part of my writing arm, wrist, hand, finger, pencil, it’s best to not even start.

“Write what you know.” Actually that’s how a lot of ax murderers who write books get caught. I think it’s because at the police academy officers are taught to read. For sure there are no successful ignorami.

Armed with this revelatory knowledge I now pay no attention to successful authors or believe anything I read in self-help books, and I feel much better. My blood pressure is lower, the urge to throw things has lessened, and my constipation has resolved itself. And because there are no rules, my creativity is soaring, my first drafts are award-winning, I retain all my darlings (even the unreadable ones), and if I want to take a day off—or three months off—I do.

I’m also gathering up my courage to go into the woods on teddy bear picnic day.

But I’m bringing my gun.

Writers Forum is open to submissions for the blog or the e-newsletter.

Type of Material and Guidelines for e-newsletter and Website Submission: 1.) Your articles on the art or craft of writing. 2.) Essays on subjects of interest to writers. (200 words can be quoted without permission but with attribution.) 3.) Book or author reviews. 4.) Letters to the Editor or Webmaster. 5.) Information on upcoming events, local or not. 6.) Photos of events. 7.) Advertise your classes or private events. 8.) Short fiction. 9.) Poetry.

Please submit copy to the editor at writersforumeditor@gmail.com . Electronic submissions only. Microsoft Word format, with the .docx file extension, is preferred but any compatible format is acceptable. The staff reserves the right to perform minor copy editing in the interest of the website’s style and space.

Fridays With Dale: The Man with Outlaw Blood

Title with image of author

Dale Angel

 

The Man with Outlaw Blood

By Dale Angel

                                                  

There must be a reason for the name Profanity Lane. Do you suppose it’s because it is a street over from Hard Pan alley? The Oaks and Digger Pines love living there; add Manzanita and Buck brush. They make a cozy environment, especially for Rattlesnakes and Poison Oak.

Yet…at the end of the road is a group of pines nestled together creating a micro climate. When you step on the pine needles, it is soft and damp. It smells like pine resin in the heat of summer. I carry with me the conversation of the man who planted them.

He grew up during the Bonnie and Clyde era, the Daltons, and others like Baby Face Nelson. He talked with such familiarity, leftovers from his childhood. Somehow his blood lines were connected to these outlaws. He was a little boy with a severe cleft pallet and was shoved off not to be seen like a mistreated animal (his words).

His Uncle, his only advocate, was kind but he died. He left eighty acres to him. He sold it, put the money in his pocket, and walked to Kansas City. He knocked on doors until he found a doctor to fix his problem. It was as good a job as was available in those days. He was fourteen. His speech was impaired, but his joy in being able to communicate for the first time made up for it.

I teased him, calling him ‘the man with outlaw blood.’  A few minutes spent sharing thoughts made him happy. His humble graciousness made you happy to be in his presence.

He took home free Pines from the Arbor Day and Forestry trees and planted them in the Hard Pan among rocks. He put plastic pipes next to each tree. Every day, especially in the summer time, he put the hose inside the plastic pipes and deeply watered them. The trees began to cover the rocks. Today they tower over his yard. Shade is everywhere.

Profanity Lane and Hard Pan Alley off Keswick have history. I went to check on his project the street signs are no longer there, but his trees are.

A little house sits at the end of the road. In their front yard is a forest that is so wonderful to walk in it. The years have made the trees larger. The Perkins used to live there before they died. We never talked well, but we made social smiles and some transfer of material to share this with you.  Coming up Keswick to a half mile to Lake Blvd the first road right will end in huge trees. It has been built up no one knows this history.

 

Dale Angel

 

 

Writers Forum is open to submissions for the blog or the newsletter.

Type of Material and Guidelines for e-newsletter and Website Submission: 1.) Your articles on the art or craft of writing. 2.) Essays on subjects of interest to writers. (200 words can be quoted without permission but with attribution.) 3.) Book or author reviews. 4.) Letters to the Editor or Webmaster. 5.) Information on upcoming events, local or not. 6.) Photos of events. 7.) Advertise your classes or private events. 8.) Short fiction 9.) Poetry

Please submit copy to the editor at writersforumeditor@gmail.com . Electronic submissions only. Microsoft Word format, with the .docx file extension, is preferred but any compatible format is acceptable. The staff reserves the right to perform minor copy editing in the interest of the website’s style and space.

Fridays With Dale: Pending Wishes

Title with image of author

Dale Angel

 

Pending Wishes

By Dale Angel

                                                  

    I wish for an Olive tree with lacy blue green leaves that throw filigree shadows so I can walk under it and feel wrapped in a gossamer gown. …I wish for a Pomegranate tree with wild tendencies and the appearances of unrestrained growth on malnourishment the fruit drips in red sweet nectar.

  I wish for a Persimmon tree that decorates the fall colors in splashes of orange as I walk on the fallen leaves that look like a Persian carpet, their fruit at near death collapses on itself, taste like spongy candied syrup on my tongue.

  I wish for that winter bush that covers itself with yellow flowers as soon as the cool winter rains arrive. The small yellow daisies fill my empty sugar bowl with sunshine…all winter. We are not acquainted by name, they may know mine, but I don’t know theirs…. I may know their family.

  May I have an arbor to hold up the honey colored grapes that look like champagne when the sun shines through them, at the  present time they are living in the tops of the wild plum trees. They moved there to get away from the white flies, who visit every summer…… although, uninvited.

  I want to remove this mourning cape, I’m wearing for the plum tree that had to be euthanatized. I haven’t went through a spring without her blossoms yet, it grieves me to think about it, but not so much, I haven’t shamelessly peeked at new plum varieties from the catalog.

     I may as well be frivolously extravagant and wish for a blooming Orange tree that emits showers of  fragrance through the windows to sweetened the  night air, it makes one weak, add blackberry wine… it’s too late to be strong…

  Pending wishes will have to wait in the shadows…. meantime…I’ll romance the Manzanitas. only hours away till they bloom. Their tiny pink flowers are full of sips of honey. Daffodils are waiting their turn to shout, flinging yellow across new green grass as they parade.  There are new surprises half asleep nestled close to the earth watching in expectation for the sun to spotlight their debut, and display their costumes…for you and me!

Dale Angel

 

 

Writers Forum is open to submissions for the blog or the newsletter.

Type of Material and Guidelines for e-newsletter and Website Submission: 1.) Your articles on the art or craft of writing. 2.) Essays on subjects of interest to writers. (200 words can be quoted without permission but with attribution.) 3.) Book or author reviews. 4.) Letters to the Editor or Webmaster. 5.) Information on upcoming events, local or not. 6.) Photos of events. 7.) Advertise your classes or private events. 8.) Short fiction 9.) Poetry

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Correction: Riverfront Playhouse Looking for Writers

Correction: the email address at the bottom of yesterday’s post was incorrect. Please use the link in today’s post to send your inquiries and submissions. Thank you.

Riverfront Playhouse is calling for submissions for Playwrights’ Night Out. Deadline 10/15/2021.

Thank you for making the effort to do something that could be exciting and rewarding. Comedy, tragedy, drama, whatever you want. Only six 20 minute shows will be chosen and you will be part of the rehearsal process. There may be more shows if some show take only ten minutes.

Give us what you have.

YOU MAY BE PRODUCED!

Rules for Playwright’s Night Out

1.      No author will direct his or her own play.
2.      All plays are 20 minutes or less.
3.      All plays are for readers’ theater only. Lines should not be memorized to allow for changes in the rehearsal stage of production.
4.      Try to avoid frivolous cussing.
5.      Try to keep your cast less than 20.
6.      Please make at least one edit of your play before submission.
7.      There will be no costuming.
8.      Keep props to a minimum.
9.      This is sort of a table read on stage. Listen for vocal nuance, facial expression, body movement during rehearsals.

Contact Jennifer Levens for more details at  theatermaven2@gmail.com

 

Writers Forum is open to submissions for the blog or the newsletter.

Type of Material and Guidelines for e-newsletter and Website Submission: 1.) Your articles on the art or craft of writing. 2.) Essays on subjects of interest to writers. (200 words can be quoted without permission but with attribution.) 3.) Book or author reviews. 4.) Letters to the Editor or Webmaster. 5.) Information on upcoming events, local or not. 6.) Photos of events. 7.) Advertise your classes or private events. 8.) Short fiction. 9.) Poetry.Please submit copy to the editor at writersforumeditor@gmail.com . Electronic submissions only. Microsoft Word format, with the .docx file extension, is preferred but any compatible format is acceptable. The staff reserves the right to perform minor copy editing in the interest of the website’s style and space.

Riverfront Playhouse Looking for Writers

Riverfront Playhouse is calling for submissions for Playwrights’ Night Out. Deadline 10/15/2021.

Thank you for making the effort to do something that could be exciting and rewarding. Comedy, tragedy, drama, whatever you want. Only six 20 minute shows will be chosen and you will be part of the rehearsal process. There may be more shows if some show take only ten minutes.

Give us what you have.

YOU MAY BE PRODUCED!

Rules for Playwright’s Night Out

1.      No author will direct his or her own play.
2.      All plays are 20 minutes or less.
3.      All plays are for readers’ theater only. Lines should not be memorized to allow for changes in the rehearsal stage of production.
4.      Try to avoid frivolous cussing.
5.      Try to keep your cast less than 20.
6.      Please make at least one edit of your play before submission.
7.      There will be no costuming.
8.      Keep props to a minimum.
9.      This is sort of a table read on stage. Listen for vocal nuance, facial expression, body movement during rehearsals.

Contact Jennifer Levens for more details at  theatermavin2@gmail.com

 

Writers Forum is open to submissions for the blog or the newsletter.

Type of Material and Guidelines for e-newsletter and Website Submission: 1.) Your articles on the art or craft of writing. 2.) Essays on subjects of interest to writers. (200 words can be quoted without permission but with attribution.) 3.) Book or author reviews. 4.) Letters to the Editor or Webmaster. 5.) Information on upcoming events, local or not. 6.) Photos of events. 7.) Advertise your classes or private events. 8.) Short fiction. 9.) Poetry.Please submit copy to the editor at writersforumeditor@gmail.com . Electronic submissions only. Microsoft Word format, with the .docx file extension, is preferred but any compatible format is acceptable. The staff reserves the right to perform minor copy editing in the interest of the website’s style and space.