Member Monday: Water Wasters by Dale Angel

Welcome back to Member Monday. Dale Angel is back is back with another humorous essay.  Welcome, Dale.

Water Wasters

by Dale Angel

Water Wasters have always walked among us, masquerading as upright citizens. But with surveillance equipment, cameras, listening and forensic devices, that can detect suspicious splashes left over from washing cars, they are catching the violators.

Who knew what went on behind closed doors, some even let the water run while brushing their teeth. Shameless hard-core people who don’t fix their broken toilets … the water runs day and night. Today’s electronics can hear that now, including the drips from kitchen faucets.

The use of water as therapy, like bloodletting, may be outdated. Those long warm relaxing showers, soaking in a bubble bath, listening to the click-click of the Rain Bird swinging water across the front lawn, feeling the water in our hands as it bubbles out of the hose without any definite destination as one frivolously pours water on flowers, gardens, shrubs, and trees. Those know no consequences; the liability rests with the water wasters.

The trees that have green leaves are a good indication of blatant violations; water has to be somewhere. Self manufactured leaks carry no leniency. Masquerading as an upright citizen I was almost caught hoarding cups of water for my bees; my neighbor’s bees were visiting too often.

Combat drones have been used for the flushing out of those who are growing green medicine. Fines are steep for emptying the streams; one has to be a serious repeat offender to use the water from fire hydrants after dark. That’s as bad as running cold water down the drain waiting for it to get warm, plundering our natural resources.

I tried to save and use the water from my washing machine; it’s traveling across town anyway mingling with who knows what, but I guess they’re saving it to drink.

My friend got caught carrying a squirt gun. Inclination and raw rebelliousness met. I got caught filling the kiddy pool. I’m now considered an abuser.

When I pay my utility bill I can’t make eye contact. I feel like I contributed to the drought. I used to be flippant, but I’m coming to gripes with my addiction.

We meet up at the lake near the boat ramp in that grey house twice a month. We are in rehab … see you at the next Water Wasters Anonymous Meeting.

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