Member Monday: Online Class by Dale Angel

Welcome back to Member Monday.  It’s a pleasure to feature a piece by the always hilarious Dale Angel.

Online Class

by Dale Angel

I’m taking an online class. The subjects are varied and useful for everyday life. The teacher is well-known, educated and comes with credentials and a title. The instructor’s name is Judge Judy.
I personally learned how to dress for the work environment. You need a white lace collar. It made me realize I need the services of the physical landscaping skills of her surgeon. She looks sixteen and last class she showed up with blond hair, the necessary equipment for the job.
She shows us the value of personal worth by refusing to get involved in domestic affairs. What she calls, “playing house with benefits”.
She will not divide up the items fought over like the plaintiffs toothbrush holder and running shoes or the defendant’s rims off her car. She will not unmingle their toys.
She’s not using up her life or education over trivias, especially when both want a refund and compensation on their bad investment…we can all learn something from this.
She’s very astute in unraveling who threw the first punch…and she can identify the keys of rejected lovers…who used them to damage the cars belonging to the party of the first part.
Her work ethics are so creative when ones spouse sues, and the problem is from unemployment that brought it about, her advice is ”just gather cans and hire your own attorney”.  She’s fair.
She is a master at identifying manufactured disabilities that her bailiff pays his taxes to support so the disabled party has an income…while surfing.
The case of the women who sued for back injury and pain and suffering was enlightening. Judge Judy told her to try climbing down off those shoes, see if that helps…next!
Her practical questions are so skilled you see people tattling on themselves.
She is very good to youths who have coping problems, who she says, ”lie when their mouths are moving”. She is so kind, she never deprives them of consequences. It shows a great deal of experience in this area. I need to know more about things like this, at present, I’m under qualified.
Never do business without defensive receipts-you will need them for decades because someone may come out of the woodwork…save all receipts…good to know.
My new electric blanket has instructions. ” If it fails, mail back only in the original box plus the warranty.” I’m saving the required box and warranty for the next five years.
As an advocate of defenseless old people, she can spot a looter and plunderer with a couple of pertinent questions. We all need to know more pertinent questions. I’m not sure when to use them. I may need that information, this class will show me how.
She will not accept Dr.Phil’s failed cases, she says, “Some things can’t be fixed.” Isn’t that sensible? I need to know that, I’ll quit climbing ropes with fire at my feet trying to outrun problems I can’t fix.
Dogs and their problems are of current concern, if you have one, go out and buy insurance, if not for the dog, for their owners. Dogs are big business and Judge Judy loves them and sees through any who are into dogs for profit. She has no problem separating and restraining dogs, but untangling their owners are another matter. She says, ”The dogs are better mannered.”
She’s not above calling names and screaming when necessary and knows how to properly use these tools online.
I’m especially impressed with her ability to hold her tongue when she wants to swear and how and when this is done professionally with dignity while driving…without using ones finger.
This class contains a variety of beneficial subjects to help negotiate life’s gridlocks
A Note from the Webmaster: If you’re a Writers Forum member in good standing and would like to be featured on Member Monday, please send your submission to writersforumwebmaster@gmail.com. Submissions should be 75-750 words, appropriate for all ages and error free. Please include a short bio, a headshot and any related links. The author retains all rights and gives permission to Writers Forum to publish their submission on the website and/or in the newsletter. Thank you!
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Member Monday: Kiss by Linda Boyden

Welcome back to Member Monday.  It’s a pleasure to feature a poem by poet, storyteller and children’s author, Linda Boyden.  You can purchase a hardback copy of Linda’s newest picture book Boy and Poi Poi Puppy at All About Books.  Welcome, Linda!

Kiss

By Linda Boyden ©2015

 

he wanted to tell her

of the depth of his love

a love beyond passion or need

he wanted to tell her of

the root of his love

the core of his soul

and to explain how much

it meant that she had found the lost key

the tarnished thing buried

within the sediment of hurt

under the dregs of loss

the thing he had forgotten

he needed, but he couldn’t find the words.

He couldn’t say how

for years he existed with a sense of lack

with a sense of longing

for something he couldn’t quite describe

 

she put one finger upon his lips

and with a kiss he discovered

there was no need for words.

A Note from the Webmaster: If you’re a Writers Forum member in good standing and would like to be featured on Member Monday, please send your submission to writersforumwebmaster@gmail.com. Submissions should be 75-750 words, appropriate for all ages and error free. Please include a short bio, a headshot and any related links. The author retains all rights and gives permission to Writers Forum to publish their submission on the website and/or in the newsletter. Thank you!

Harvey by Mary Chase at Riverfront Playhouse

Need a last minute Valentine’s Day gift?  We’ve got the perfect idea.  Writers Forum is selling tickets to the play “Harvey” by Mary Chase.  The play will be performed at Riverfront Playhouse on Wednesday, February 11th at 7:30pm.  Tickets are $20 each and all proceeds benefit the Writers Forum Scholarship Fund.  To purchase tickets, please email writersforumpresident@gmail.com or writersforumtreasurer@gmail.com.  We’ve got just a handful of tickets left, so don’t miss out on the fun!

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about the storyline of “Harvey”:

Elwood P. Dowd is an affable man who claims to have an unseen (and presumably imaginary) friend Harvey — whom Elwood describes as a six-foot, three-and-one-half-inch tall pooka resembling an anthropomorphic rabbit. Elwood introduces Harvey to everyone he meets. His social-climbing sister, Veta, increasingly finds his eccentric behavior embarrassing. She decides to have him committed to a sanitarium to spare her and her daughter Myrtle Mae from future embarrassment. When they arrive at the sanitarium, a comedy of errors ensues. The young, handsome, and very flirtatious Dr. Sanderson commits Veta instead of Elwood, but when the truth comes out the search is on for Elwood and his invisible companion. When Elwood shows up at the sanitarium looking for his lost friend Harvey, it seems that the mild-mannered Elwood’s delusion has had a strange influence on the staff, including sanitarium director Dr. Chumley. Only just before Elwood is to be given an injection that will make him into a “perfectly normal human being, and you know what bastards they are!” (in the words of a taxi cab driver who has become involved in the proceedings) does Veta realize that she’d rather have Elwood the same as he’s always been — carefree and kind — even if it means living with Harvey.

Still not convinced?  Here’s Jim Parsons in “Harvey”:

Looking for Audio Submissions

The Missouri Review is looking for your short audio documentaries, stories, poems, and humor pieces for their 2015 Audio Contest. A $1,000 prize will be awarded to the winner in each category.

Your pay-by-donation entry fee includes a one-year, digital subscription to The Missouri Review, complete with a bonus audio version of the magazine.

Winners and select runners-up will have their work featured on The Missouri Review’s website and as part of their Soundbooth podcast series. Submissions will be judged by TMR’s editors in collaboration with a guest judge.

This opportunity is open to both emerging and established artists—they are most of all concerned with finding strong work, which is why it is important to pass on the word to writers

Deadline: March 15th, 2015.

For details, or to submit, please visit their website: http://www.missourireview.com/ audiovisual/submissions/

The Missouri Review

357 McReynolds Hall
University of Missouri
Columbia, MO 65211

A Message from the President: February, 2015

What If?

When my mind stagnates, I will play the What If? game.

As in what if tomatoes were poisonous as once believed?

What if the Pyramids had not been built?

What if the Americas were the hot-bed of civilization, and Europe, etc, were to be discovered?

What if Earth rotated the opposite direction? Or better, what if Earth rotated vertically?

What if we had four legs, yet had two arms?

What if we were faster than a speeding bullet? More powerful than a locomotive? Able to leap tall buildings at a single bound?

Ok, I admit that lately I have been hooked on the old TV Superman. Thankfully, I admitted it to certain people. Otherwise I would not have been turned on to Hollywoodland. And never would have known that the reason George Reeves never did anything after his stint as Superman was he, he … well, officially it was listed as a suicide, but the means were questionable.

This leaves me at a few more “What if?” scenarios. What if the movie had stuck with the original script title of Truth, Justice, and the American Way? What if George continued his career? And lastly, what if I had not lived in Burbank as a child?

See ya February 14 at the Special Simon Wood All Day thingie, and see others of ya and your guests February 11 Buyout Fundraiser at Riverfront Playhouse for Harvey.