As I watch the snow drift down, I am ‘trying’ to compose my January Message from the President. I really want to keep it simple and light. Ah, thought I; Seasonal Parodies. Why not?

So, staying under the plagiarism radar (though I think it could be labeled outright stealing), here are some.

For the social media peeps:

On the 12th day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me:
12 dopes I’m blocking
11 friends just watching
10 corny topics
9 busted barbies
8 friends complaining
7 stalkers stalking
6 party invites
5 drama queens
4 game requests
3 photo tags
2 friends-a-pokin’
& a creep who won’t stop in-boxing me.

For Star Trek Groupies (Chestnuts Roasting, yadda yadda):

Klingons roasting on an open fire,
Scotty’s beaming up some gifts.
Yuletide carols being sung by Uhura,
The Enterprise, it slowly drifts.
Everybody knows that Chekov really likes eggnog,
Spock prefers some Vulcan Tea.
Sulu takes a break from the helm to
Put milk & cookies by the tree.

You know that McCoy’s a doctor,
He’s not Santa Claus or even a redshirt.
And every single crewman will make their case
To prove if Santa really can breathe in space.

And so I’m offering this simple phrase
To Captain Kirk and all his crew,
Although it’s been said many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas to you!

And it would not be complete without Pogo’s Deck the Halls version (thanks to Walt Kelly):

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,

Walla Walla, Wash, and Kalamazoo!

Nora’s freezin’ on the trolley,

Swaller dollar cauliflower Alleygaroo!

Don’t we know archaic barrel,

Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou.

Trolley Molly don’t love Harold,

Boola Boola Pensacoola Hullabaloo!

And finally for those that don’t like winter, yet complain during the summer, there is (Let it Snow):

Oh, the weather outside is frightful
and I hope it cools by nightfall
how I hate this warm weather so
summer blows
summer blows
summer blows

The mercury just ain’t stoppin’
but I wish that it was droppin’
how I hate the sun’s fiery glow
summer blows
summer blows
summer blows

Then it finally turns to night
when its late, things are not quite as warm
but then when the sky grows light
it will get hot, true to form

Perspirin’ but not dryin’
as I sweat, I think I’m dyin’
and I wish that the temps were low
summer blows
summer blows
summer blows

Whew! Done! See ya January 12^th for another fabulous meeting as Charlie, Linda, Robb and Jim return as short story panelists.

Larry Watters,

Writers Forum President