Member Monday: Online Class by Dale Angel

Welcome back to Member Monday.  It’s a pleasure to feature a piece by the always hilarious Dale Angel.

Online Class

by Dale Angel

I’m taking an online class. The subjects are varied and useful for everyday life. The teacher is well-known, educated and comes with credentials and a title. The instructor’s name is Judge Judy.
I personally learned how to dress for the work environment. You need a white lace collar. It made me realize I need the services of the physical landscaping skills of her surgeon. She looks sixteen and last class she showed up with blond hair, the necessary equipment for the job.
She shows us the value of personal worth by refusing to get involved in domestic affairs. What she calls, “playing house with benefits”.
She will not divide up the items fought over like the plaintiffs toothbrush holder and running shoes or the defendant’s rims off her car. She will not unmingle their toys.
She’s not using up her life or education over trivias, especially when both want a refund and compensation on their bad investment…we can all learn something from this.
She’s very astute in unraveling who threw the first punch…and she can identify the keys of rejected lovers…who used them to damage the cars belonging to the party of the first part.
Her work ethics are so creative when ones spouse sues, and the problem is from unemployment that brought it about, her advice is ”just gather cans and hire your own attorney”.  She’s fair.
She is a master at identifying manufactured disabilities that her bailiff pays his taxes to support so the disabled party has an income…while surfing.
The case of the women who sued for back injury and pain and suffering was enlightening. Judge Judy told her to try climbing down off those shoes, see if that helps…next!
Her practical questions are so skilled you see people tattling on themselves.
She is very good to youths who have coping problems, who she says, ”lie when their mouths are moving”. She is so kind, she never deprives them of consequences. It shows a great deal of experience in this area. I need to know more about things like this, at present, I’m under qualified.
Never do business without defensive receipts-you will need them for decades because someone may come out of the woodwork…save all receipts…good to know.
My new electric blanket has instructions. ” If it fails, mail back only in the original box plus the warranty.” I’m saving the required box and warranty for the next five years.
As an advocate of defenseless old people, she can spot a looter and plunderer with a couple of pertinent questions. We all need to know more pertinent questions. I’m not sure when to use them. I may need that information, this class will show me how.
She will not accept Dr.Phil’s failed cases, she says, “Some things can’t be fixed.” Isn’t that sensible? I need to know that, I’ll quit climbing ropes with fire at my feet trying to outrun problems I can’t fix.
Dogs and their problems are of current concern, if you have one, go out and buy insurance, if not for the dog, for their owners. Dogs are big business and Judge Judy loves them and sees through any who are into dogs for profit. She has no problem separating and restraining dogs, but untangling their owners are another matter. She says, ”The dogs are better mannered.”
She’s not above calling names and screaming when necessary and knows how to properly use these tools online.
I’m especially impressed with her ability to hold her tongue when she wants to swear and how and when this is done professionally with dignity while driving…without using ones finger.
This class contains a variety of beneficial subjects to help negotiate life’s gridlocks
A Note from the Webmaster: If you’re a Writers Forum member in good standing and would like to be featured on Member Monday, please send your submission to writersforumwebmaster@gmail.com. Submissions should be 75-750 words, appropriate for all ages and error free. Please include a short bio, a headshot and any related links. The author retains all rights and gives permission to Writers Forum to publish their submission on the website and/or in the newsletter. Thank you!

Member Monday: Kiss by Linda Boyden

Welcome back to Member Monday.  It’s a pleasure to feature a poem by poet, storyteller and children’s author, Linda Boyden.  You can purchase a hardback copy of Linda’s newest picture book Boy and Poi Poi Puppy at All About Books.  Welcome, Linda!

Kiss

By Linda Boyden ©2015

 

he wanted to tell her

of the depth of his love

a love beyond passion or need

he wanted to tell her of

the root of his love

the core of his soul

and to explain how much

it meant that she had found the lost key

the tarnished thing buried

within the sediment of hurt

under the dregs of loss

the thing he had forgotten

he needed, but he couldn’t find the words.

He couldn’t say how

for years he existed with a sense of lack

with a sense of longing

for something he couldn’t quite describe

 

she put one finger upon his lips

and with a kiss he discovered

there was no need for words.

A Note from the Webmaster: If you’re a Writers Forum member in good standing and would like to be featured on Member Monday, please send your submission to writersforumwebmaster@gmail.com. Submissions should be 75-750 words, appropriate for all ages and error free. Please include a short bio, a headshot and any related links. The author retains all rights and gives permission to Writers Forum to publish their submission on the website and/or in the newsletter. Thank you!

Member Monday: Due for Discard by Sharon St. George

XG8D1047 web email 100dpiWelcome back to Member Monday.  Today we feature the work of Writers Forum member and Program Chair Sharon St. George.  Enjoy an excerpt from Sharon’s first book, Due for Discard.

Due for Discard (Chapter 9)

by Sharon St. George

Saturday morning I checked my disguise in the mirror. In my shortest skirt, highest heels, blue contact lenses and a blond wig left over from a grad school Halloween party, I was ready to visit the Natural History Museum where Bonnie Beardsley had flirted with her alleged stalker. Odds of running into him, if he existed, were astronomical, but I liked the museum and had nothing better to do.

After an elderly gentleman docent gave me an absurdly detailed lecture on the skeletal structure of turtles, I wandered over to the aquarium’s viewing wall to wait for a highly-touted visitor favorite: fish feeding time. The gathering crowd squeezed together for a better view of the fishy antics. Feeling slightly claustrophobic, I tried to step back, but whoever was behind me didn’t budge. Meanwhile the space in front of me had closed, and I couldn’t step forward. The body behind me wasn’t quite making contact with my backside, but I definitely felt my personal space being invaded. The mini-skirt that barely covered my behind wasn’t helping.

A low voice spoke near my right ear. “Awesome creatures, aren’t they?”

I responded with a barely perceptible nod of my head. This was creepier than I’d expected. What would I do if this was the stalker?

After a few minutes of watching various forms of marine life snatching and gobbling their breakfast, the crowd dispersed. I wondered if the man behind me would make a move. I didn’t have to wonder long.

He stepped alongside me, still watching the fish-viewing wall. I was surprised to see how harmless he looked. Probably in his late thirties, only a couple of inches taller than my five foot four, he was slender, clean-shaven, and handsome verging on pretty. His clothes were Eddie Bauer. His light brown hair was thick and well-cut. The term metrosexual came to mind. A straight guy, apparently, but with a flair for grooming and style. And not creepy in the least.

He turned to me. “Hi. Do you come to the museum often?”

“Once in a while,” I said.

“Do you live in the area?”

“Uh, huh.”

“I hope you won’t think I’m too forward,” he said, “but I haven’t met many people since I moved here. Could I buy you a cup of coffee? Pick your brain about things to do in Timbergate?”

The museum cafe was a short walk within plain sight of staff and visitors. I figured that was safe enough, so we headed for the coffee shop where we found a free table.

“I should introduce myself,” he said. “I’m Arnie Palmer. No relation to the golfer. I suck at sports.”

Holy crap. Of all the fish exhibits in all the natural history museums in the world, Arnie Palmer had walked into mine. He had to be the Arnie Palmer from Manton who popped up in my online search. And he was a guy, so he sure wasn’t Arnetta, but was he Bonnie’s stalker?

“And you are . . . ?” he said.

My mind raced in warp speed as I tried to invent a name for myself. What came out was really stupid.

“Ingrid.”

“Ingrid . . . ?”

Damn, I needed a last name. A lock of hair from my wig tickled my cheek.

“Wiggins,” I said, feeling a little faint. “Ingrid Wiggins.” A waitress came by to take our orders. I asked for coffee and apple pie. Arnie ordered green tea and pecan pie.

“Lots of apples where I live,” Arnie said.

“Oh?” I played dumb.

“Manton. Thirty minutes east of here. Up in the pines. Do you know it?”

“I’ve heard of it.”

“Not much to do there, but it’s cooler than Timbergate, and the rent’s reasonable.”

I took a tiny bite of pie and washed it down with coffee. I was torn between the need to know more about this guy and a yearning to get the hell out of there, but there was one question I had to ask.

“We have a newscaster here named Palmer. Are you related?”

“No.” He shrugged. “I get that a lot, though. It’s a very common name.”

True. I’d discovered that during all those people searches.

I glanced at my watch. “You asked about things to do in Timbergate. I have a couple of suggestions, then I have to be going.”

“So soon?” His obvious disappointment was flattering, and just short of pathetic.

“We have community theatre, a concert series, a convention center, art exhibits, a sports arena, but you said you suck at sports, so I guess that’s out.” I took a breath, trying to slow my rapid-fire delivery. “Anyway, you can get more information at the Visitors Bureau. When you leave the museum parking lot, make a right at the intersection. It’s just down the street.”

“Any singles bars in town?”

“Probably, but I don’t do the bar scene, so I’m not a good person to ask.” Considering my mini-skirt and four-inch heels, he probably found that hard to believe. “It’s been nice meeting you, Arnie, but I really have to go.” I stood. “I’m meeting my boyfriend for lunch at the gun club. He teaches marksmanship there.”

“No problem. In fact, I’d like to meet your boyfriend. I just bought a gun and I could use some pointers. Can I get your phone number? I’d like to follow up on this.”

Mr. Harmless just bought a gun? Great. “I just moved,” I said. “I don’t have a new phone number yet.”

“No cell phone?”

“Sorry.”

He looked disappointed, then brightened. “What’s your boyfriend’s name? I can call the gun club and ask for him.”

Would this never end? “He doesn’t like me giving out his name. He’s a little paranoid. Besides, anyone at the gun club could help you.”

I walked out of the coffee shop, pinched toes screaming in pain, stomach growling protest at the apple pie I’d left behind.

What a fiasco. Ingrid Wiggins with a paranoid, gun-totin’ boyfriend. Not the alter ego I’d have imagined for myself. Worse, I had no hard evidence that Arnie Palmer was the museum stalker. And yet, there was the bizarre coincidence of his name. I sensed there was something connecting Arnie to Bonnie Beardsley, but short of seeing him again, I had no idea how to figure out what it was.

 A Note from the Webmaster: If you’re a Writers Forum member in good standing and would like to be featured on Member Monday, please send your submission to writersforumwebmaster@gmail.com. Submissions should be 75-750 words, appropriate for all ages and error free. Please include a short bio, a headshot and any related links. The author retains all rights and gives permission to Writers Forum to publish their submission on the website and/or in the newsletter. Thank you!

In Memoriam: Magical Shoes by Gayle Madden

Welcome back to Member Monday.  It’s with heavy hearts that we feature a piece by Gayle Madden.  She recently passed away and we offer our sincere condolences to her husband, Michael.  While we mourn Gayle’s passing, we celebrate her life, a life well-lived indeed.  This is the second of two pieces by Gayle we featured this month and we encourage you to read more of her body of work at her blog, aptly titled The Sweet Life: La Dolce Vita. -Writers Forum Board of Directors

Magical Shoes

by Gayle Madden

Walking a mile in my Magical Shoes

I finally know what it’s like to walk a mile in my shoes!

In January of 2011, my husband, Michael, bought me a new pair of pretty RED ones as a surprise.  The surprise turned out to be I wouldn’t wear them until recently, 14 months later.  But what a sweet walk it was!

The shoes are magical.

Just ask Debbie, our adventurous friend who joined us.  She has a pair of magical shoes, too.

Magical Shoes are made to keep a traveler afloat in a storm.  I wore out my last pair!

You might think I need a really big size to weather my current storm, but part of the magic is that one size fits all.  Another part of the magic is that we all have magic shoes.

What color are yours?

A Note from the Webmaster: If you’re a Writers Forum member in good standing and would like to be featured on Member Monday, please send your submission to writersforumwebmaster@gmail.com. Submissions should be 75-750 words, appropriate for all ages and error free. Please include a short bio, a headshot and any related links. The author retains all rights and gives permission to Writers Forum to publish their submission on the website and/or in the newsletter. Thank you!

In Memoriam: Backpacking the Trinity Alps by Gayle Madden

Welcome back to Member Monday.  It’s with heavy hearts that we feature a piece by Gayle Madden.  She recently passed away and we offer our sincere condolences to her husband, Michael.  While we mourn Gayle’s passing, we celebrate her life, a life well-lived indeed.  We’ll be featuring another of Gayle’s pieces next week and we encourage you to read more of her body of work at her blog, aptly titled The Sweet Life: La Dolce Vita. -Writers Forum Board of Directors

Photo courtesy of Gayle Madden

In what poets refer to as the dead of night, poets who obviously have never slept beside an alpine lake in the high country during a warm summer night, I got up and stepped out of the tent.  I gazed skyward, looking into the purple-black heavens in absolute awe, breathing out slowly, imperceptibly.

Stars hung low, big, bright, too bright to even twinkle, more like a glow.  Silent stars tinkling their songs over the millenniums like sirens, luring, rendering one powerless yet powerful at the same time.  I called softly to awaken my husband, luring him out to see the starlit sky.

He stepped into the night and scanned the sky with the practiced eye of a pilot and the heart of a mystic.  “Look,” he whispered, then nodded.  “The Big Dipper.”

There it was.  Not only huge in the sky but closer than I have ever seen it, dipping perfectly into the outline of the black-inked mountaintops, cradled like a babe held tenderly in arms, resting before resuming its eternal journey in the sky.  It was in that moment that I saw what I had never seen before.

The smooth black water of the lake transformed into sky.  The Big Dipper, along with hundreds of other stars, glowed golden white in the watery sky.  A perfect mirror image of the lights rose from the bottom of the liquid blackness, mysteriously dancing.  I stood frozen in time, gazing into the bigness of nature that man has gazed into since the beginning of man, the Bigness that fills man with a sense of being a part of something greater than himself. There I stood, with ancient man, with every man, filling myself, feeling myself.  More than myself.  Alive.

A Note from the Webmaster: If you’re a Writers Forum member in good standing and would like to be featured on Member Monday, please send your submission to writersforumwebmaster@gmail.com. Submissions should be 75-750 words, appropriate for all ages and error free. Please include a short bio, a headshot and any related links. The author retains all rights and gives permission to Writers Forum to publish their submission on the website and/or in the newsletter. Thank you!

Member Monday: The Child Within by Melva Henderson

Member Monday: Soar Within the Story by Linda Boyden

Welcome back to Member Monday.  It’s a pleasure to feature a poem by poet, storyteller and children’s author, Linda Boyden.  You can purchase a hardback copy of Linda’s newest picture book Boy and Poi Poi Puppy at All About Books.  Be sure to come to the Authors Fair and pick up your signed copies of Linda’s books.  Welcome, Linda!

Soar Within the Story

By Linda Boyden ©2014

disappear

into a story

melt

onto the strands

of the teller’s voice.

dig

into the layers

search

for the gem

the spark

that grabs

your heart

that whirls

and whittles

down your troubles

lets you soar

within the story

within the colors

of the words.

 

 A Note from the Webmaster: If you’re a Writers Forum member in good standing and would like to be featured on Member Monday, please send your submission to writersforumwebmaster@gmail.com. Submissions should be 75-750 words, appropriate for all ages and error free. Please include a short bio, a headshot and any related links. The author retains all rights and gives permission to Writers Forum to publish their submission on the website and/or in the newsletter. Thank you!